August 16, 2013

KISS Bringing Football Back to Los Angeles, Sorta

By - Keith Smith

Leave it to Gene Simmons, the promotional genius that took a slightly above average rock band and turned them into one of the most famous and successful groups of all time, to do the unthinkable. He and bandmate Paul Stanley are bringing football back to the Los Angeles area.

Granted, it's only Arena League, but still.

Photo from:
When the next Arena Football season starts (and to be honest, I have no idea when that is; last I remember they cancelled the 2009 season due to lack of funds), the LA KISS will be one of the participants. They will not only use the KISS name, but the logo as well.

I can only imagine what the real uniforms will look like.

Come to think of it, Simmons sports a big set of shoulder pads during their elaborate stage shows. Of course, those are spike-laden, so the league may have a problem with that. Then again, considering the sad shape that the league has been in the past few years, maybe not. Turn every single team into a Rollerball-looking bunch of maniacs, I say.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for someone with Simmons' marketing skills getting involved in sports, especially something that is already as gimmicky as Arena Football. Perhaps he and Stanley can buy a minor league ball team next. With the traditionally weird promotions that the minors are famous for, it seems a perfect fit.

They could have Fire-Spitting Night, where anyone that's willing to fill their mouth with lighter fluid and spew flames 10 feet in the air gets in free. Or Cow Tongue Night, where anyone willing to come through the gates with a cow's tongue hanging out of their mouth gets in for 1/2 price. Or Platform Boot Night, where the first 500 people get a pair of knee-high lace up boots with six-inch platform soles on them. And definitely a KISS Look-Alike Night, where the people dressed most like the original four members of the band get the La-Z-Boy seats behind home plate.

While my tongue is firmly planted in my cheek, anyone who watched any episodes of "Gene Simmons Family Jewels" knows that my jokes may not be too far off. I honestly wouldn't put anything past Simmons in an effort to succeed and make money. He's a bright guy, and while I think some of the things he does are kind of goofy, he seems to have success with a lot of them.

Part of the arrangement for Simmons and Stanley's ownership deal is that KISS gets to play the halftime show at Arena Bowl XXIV. Which, quite frankly, may be the only way the league can guarantee a sell out.

I really shouldn't poke fun at this effort to get football back in the Los Angeles area. It's a joke that the second-largest city in the country doesn't have a professional football team. It deserves one, and not in the AFL, in the big-boy league.

But, here's to hoping that the LA KISS are able to rock and roll all night, and party every day.


  1. This is great. I still won't watch AFL, but it's great.

  2. I think the team will be a big draw. People are starving for the sport out there. Plus arena football is fun to watch, especially live. Nonstop action. It's like hockey on steroids.

  3. This will turn into yet another cash cow for Simmons. Everything he touches turns to gold. He's a money making machine.