September 6, 2013

Top 10 Reasons Baseball is Better Than Football

By - Keith Smith

With the start of football season finally here, and the end of baseball in sight, I decided to look at the two and give you a top 10 list of why baseball is better than football.

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I run the risk of alienating quite a few friends down here in the football crazy South by saying this. And don't get me wrong, I love all sports (except soccer, of course; if I wanted to see guys with mullets fall down and fake injuries, I would go to a NASCAR race and watch the drunken hillbillies fall in the grandstands).

Okay, that last remark won't win me any friends here in the South, either.

So without further ado, and with apologies to David Letterman, here are the top 10 reasons baseball is better than football.

No. 10 - You Don't Have a Coach, You Have a Manager

In football, you have a coach. "Coaching" implies that you have to teach people how to do something. Usually, the same things over and over again. In baseball, you have a manager. Someone who knows that you are a grown up and know exactly what you are doing. He's just there to guide you. Maybe to tell you when to steal a base. Or to keep you from throwing too many pitches. You don't have to be brow-beaten, just advised. Simply put, managed. That just sounds better.

No. 9 - You Look Better in a Baseball Uniform

All that padding in football makes you look, shall we say, husky. Baseball uniforms are form-fitting and svelte. Much more flattering than football. Assuming of course that you aren't fat. If so, maybe hiding behind all that padding is a good idea.

No. 8 - Caps Are Way Cooler Than Helmets

I mean that both literally and figuratively. Helmets make you sweat, it's hard to breathe in them, the chin strap ends up either in your mouth or cutting across your throat, and your mouthpiece usually goes up one nostril at least once per game. Then it has to go back in your mouth. Baseball caps feel cooler and look cooler. You can wear them backwards. You can wear them to the side. You can wear a flat bill. You can wear a curved bill. You can even turn them inside out, squish them down and put them on your head like a shark fin when you want to rally your team. Ever tried to do that with a football helmet? Didn't think so.

No. 7 - You Play About 90% of Your Games at Night

I know football is played in colder weather, but most of your games are played at noon, some at 3pm, and a smattering at night. That means if you want to have a decent meal and give it time to digest, you have to be up way before 8am. In baseball, with all those night games, you can sleep in almost every day, roll out of the sack about noon, play a round of golf, and you can even eat your meal during the game. Many a night I was wolfing down hot dogs in the bullpen. Don't tell anyone.

No. 6 - The Manager is Nicer When Removing You From Games

Watch any baseball game. Whenever the manager removes a pitcher, he almost always gives him a pat on the fanny. Always. When a coach removes you as the quarterback from a game, he is screaming at you, sometimes with a hand full of face mask, spit flying into your eye. Give me the fanny-pat any day over that.

No. 5 - Bigger Doesn't Always Equal Better

In football, at every position, they always want bigger. Quarterbacks now have to be 6'5, 230 pounds. Running backs need to be 225 pounds and run a 4.3 in the 40. And don't even get me started on linemen. They want 6'7, 340-pounders at that position. In baseball, there have been guys like Freddie Patek, who stood 5'5, and Larry Bowa, who was 150 pounds soaking wet. And they were stars. Try that in football.

No. 4 - In Baseball, You Never Have to Fear Being Hit By a Giant

At any given moment, no matter what position you play in football, you are in danger of being blasted by a guy who is 6'6, 330 pounds, and runs a 4.6 in the 40. Probably the only guy in baseball close to that size is Prince Fielder, and I seriously doubt he could generate the speed needed to split one of those big signs football players run through when they take the field.

No. 3 - You Don't Have to Be Perfect in Baseball

Okay, technically you don't have to be perfect in football, either. But you better be successful 60 or 70 percent of the time as a quarterback, or as a running back, or as a lineman, or...I could go on and on. In baseball, if you succeed 3 out of 10 times, you go to the Hall of Fame. You're considered one of the greatest hitters of all-time. And if you're successful 4 out of 10 times, you're doing something that hasn't been done since the Franklin D. Roosevelt Administration. In football, if you are only successful 3 out of 10 times, you're probably Tim Tebow.

No. 2 - You Are Never Out of a Baseball Game

This is maybe my favorite thing about the sport, and it's what drives most non-fans out of their minds. There is no time limit in baseball. A game can go on for hours. You can be down 10 runs in the last inning and still come back to win. They can't start running out the clock. They can't take a knee. They always have to get three outs before they can move on. I've been on both sides of big comebacks in baseball. My team was up 9-2 with two outs and two strikes on the batter in the last inning, and we ended up losing. I also remember a game where we trailed by 10 runs after only three innings and came back and won. It's sheer beauty.

And the No. 1 reason baseball is better than football...

It's Self-Policing

If a guy like Johnny Manziel starts acting a fool in a baseball game, you can stick a 95-mph fastball in his ear and only get a warning. It is a self-policing sport, kind of like hockey. Someone gets out of line, you dust him, plain and simple. You do something like that in football, you get a penalty and possibly even tossed from the game. It's almost impossible to tune a guy up without getting in trouble. Who needs that?

So there you have it. You can have your beginning of football season. When does the World Series start?


  1. I think this would be more aptly titled "Why playing baseball is better than playing football." The majority of this list is inconsequential in regards to just watching the games. Either way, I love both games and you make some good points here. Well done.

  2. I enjoy watching baseball & this article is cute, but football is better.

  3. Thinking mans game. Greatest sport in the world.

    1. Probably the dumbest thing I've heard